Hello again from the MTC!
The elders I met this week going to Minnesota shared that little funny with us ;)
I got your weekly package this week, mother dearest- you're seriously the BEST MOM OF ALL TIMES. Loved all the funny Colby stories and family updates this week- also, Dad- I am waiting SO EAGERLY for the next installment!! Seriously, every day I think, "maybe today!"
Happy Birthday to Maddie yesterday!! The big 1-3! Oh man, hopefully dad has the talk with you about being a good teenager ;)
Loved your last email Elder Sinclair- especially the parts about what a vivid relationship you have with God now and how now you use the "same words, but with different feeling." Oh how I can relate! Love you, big guy. When I think of you and me, I think of Alma 5: 7-9: He aqui, el embio las corazones de Hermana Sinclair and Elder Sinclair si los desperto de un profundo sueno, y despertaron en cuanto a Dios. He aqui, se hallaban en" medio de la obscuridad; no obstante, la luz de las sempiterna palabra ilumino sus almoas...fueron destadas, y sus almas se ensancharon, y cantaron del amor que redime."
This week...normally I have so much I want to cover! I think things are getting pretty routine now, so hopefully I can share a few thoughts of my heart today. I don't know if I mentioned that Sheri Dew came last Sunday, we had mission conference and Elder Bednar came on Tuesday. Heavy hitters here at the MTC! The new district came this week with those 6 new sisters...every Wednesday I think about how grateful I am that I'm not a new missionary! I tried my best to love hard and fulfill my responsibilities with them.
So my heart...I've been doing some self-evaluation and have been able to think about how these 6 weeks have changed me. Why did I decide to come on a mission? I had really strong impressions that that was what I needed to be doing. I had faith to follow those impressions but struggled along the way to get there. To my shame probably, I was bothered by "lose yourself in service" and I was so afraid of "losing my identity." I was worried I was giving up all my self expression because I had to obey so many rules and be like every other missionary robot. I didn't want to be put in a box. I was kind of upset that I was sent to VA Spanish speaking- frustrated that God didn't honor the desires of my heart when he honors so many others on their mission calls. Maybe this is all a little embarrassing to admit- but that's what was going on in my head. Probably Satan had a large part in those thoughts.
Life looks a little different now after being a missionary for just 6 weeks. I understand that my "identity" can be so much more and so much better than whatever I was holding on to. I understand that I am blessed by obedience- that it's not blindly following, but TRUSTING, and whatever blessings I want in this life are promised in my obedience. It's not about becoming the same as everyone else- it's about becoming the best possible ME. And why do I need to become the best possible me? Because it's not actually about me! Surprise! It’s about the message I have and being a vessel. My heart has come to love love love the scriptures, the importance and glory of a full restoration of all things, the joy of having a greater portion of the spirit with me, and learning to be a tool in the Lord's hands. I don't yet know the exact reasons how this mission will help me fulfill my life's mission, but I now understand that I can act in faith and God will lead me. I spend a lot of time feeling humbled about my life thus far- how I've used or not used it and the pride that was creeping in. I sense a great and marvelous work going on in my heart and I'm grateful that there are 17 months left to solidify and further it!
I had a tender experience this week in a meeting- a teacher led us through a visualization: I am in the Savior's day, being taught by Him on a mountainside. We make eye contact and he begins to walk towards me and once he reaches me he gives me a perfect blessing of all the things I stand in need of. Perhaps this seems silly, but wow, how incredible to imagine yourself looking at the Savior. I was surprised at how I felt actually- I did not feel ashamed to look him in the eye and let him see the contents of my heart and soul- for I am striving more than ever to serve Him with clean hands and a pure heart. It was such a sweet reassurance of the Savior's love and his happiness with what I am striving to do and become.
This week we watched Elder Holland's "Miracle of a Mission" and he said something like "now is the time to take it up a notch. Be bigger and better and older and bolder than YOU HAVE EVER BEEN." It's changing the focus from me to others- not how I can express myself so you can know who I am, but how I can know and love YOU and show YOU how much God and Jesus Christ love YOU. As I am sent out in 2 weeks to represent Him, I want to be worthy to be called His representative- to be like Him.
Yo se que este evangelio es la misma iglesia que jesucristo establecio en la tierra durante su vida perfect. Hay una restauracion de TODAS las cosas. Solomente tengo palabras sencillas para explicar mis sentimientos, pero: Dios es nuestro amoroso padre celestial. Su hijo, neustro hermano, es Jesucristo- el Rendentor del mundo. Somos hijos de Dios y El quiere que comunicemos con El para entender ese amor. Jose Smith hasa Thomas S. Monson han servido como profetas con las autoridad de Dios. A traves de esta autoridad he llamado para que servir en Richmond, VA a las personas quien hablan espanol. Servire con toda mi corazon a estas personas porque Jesucristo ama estas almas. Estoy tratando tener las fe que es necesidad para trabajar milagros en mi vida and las vidas en Richmond.
I love you family, and am so happy to be here. Missionary work is- WORK! But it's God's work.
Hermana Sinclair
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